I have always been a behind-the-scenes person, and while I have a good sense of who I am and of my achievements, I’ve never felt comfortable in front of a camera or as the center of too much attention.
There was a time when I was terrified of public speaking, and it took a lot for me to finally stand in front of a classroom and teach without feeling as if I was going to throw-up (sorry, I know… that’s not a pretty picture). But I conquered that fear and have since lectured to auditoriums full of students.
My next big hurdle came sometime last year when my publisher asked if I would consent to being interviewed on camera for one of Focal Press’ new websites (www.FilmSkills.com). Panic! (Don’t ask me where this came from. All I know is that I’ve been this way my whole life. So maybe it has something to do with something that happened to me in a previous life.) A couple of friends told me point blank to get over myself… that I needed to do this to promote my books. It took a while, but I finally agreed. And while I still haven’t seen the cut footage of myself online, I did survive the experience.
I once again ventured outside of my comfort zone last Saturday, when I participated in a FilmMethod (www.film-method.com) podcast. (Not as scary as being on-camera, but I have to admit, I was a bit nervous walking in.) This series of podcasts is for indie producers and is created by the amazing Cindy Freeman and Jenna Edwards with able assistance from the equally amazing Lynda Lopez. These women are wonderful. And besides the fact that they made the recording session very comfortable… they couldn’t stop complimenting me. They love my books, and they were thrilled to meet me. Jenna asked me to sign her copy of my production handbook, and they told me that they recommend it on their podcast and refer to it often. They insisted on taking pictures with me (cringe). They told me again how great it was to have me there. And I was totally blushing and self-conscious. I’m used to taking care of celebrities… not being one!
Two days later, I received an e-mail from an adjunct professor from Watkins College in Nashville who was in Los Angeles for a few days. He uses my book as a text. He’s a big fan and wanted to know if I’d consider meeting him for coffee. So I met him at a near-by Starbucks, and we talked for two hours while I faced another barrage of compliments.
I teach my students that they need to know what they have to offer, own it and be proud of it. So why isn’t it easier for me? It isn’t as if I don’t know that I’m good at my job… that I’m a good teacher who loves motivating and helping people with their careers… that my two books are being used, recommended and appreciated. But I’ve come to realize that I can no longer do what I do and promote my books and workshops while expecting to remain behind-the-scenes. And when faced with praise, I just have to remember to take a deep breath, smile and say “thank you!” – grateful that I even have fans and welcoming the attention instead of shying away from it.
